Finished Far Cry 5   !!SPOILERS!!

Lot’s of spoilers here so read no further if you haven’t finished Far Cry 5

I did Faith’s region first. Bazzing around on my helicopter wiping out everything in site. Freeing strongholds, finding bunkers, blowing up shrines. Having a general whale of a time.

And then it was time to kill Faith, for me the hardest of the “bosses” but ultimately I got to blow her head off (metaphorically speaking) and free her region from the perils of Bliss.

On to Jacob, the scumbag, weeding out the weak, torturing them, using them. Animals as well as people. Brainwashing the “strong”, kidnapping people and generally being a bit of a fucker. I had a lot of fun freeing his strongholds, destroying his wolf attractors, and it was awesome taking out crazed animals from the safety of 25ft in the air.

And then it was time to kill Jacob. I sniped that bastard’s head off (metaphorically) then ran over to his still-warm corpse and kicked him in the nuts (metaphorically).

Only one region left – John and then it would be on to the crazed maniac Father himself. I took great pride in raising John’s whole organisation to the ground. Watching as his followers fell beneath the wheels of the Widow Maker. Laughing as they tried to avoid the line of death emitting from my helicopter machine guns.

And then it was time to kill John. Fly as far as you want mate I am on your arse. With a stunning loop-the-loop followed by a double barrel roll I took him down. I ran over to his dead corpse and shot him in the face, over and over with a maniacal laugh.

Only one person left, the Father. Expecting a mega battle the likes of which would put other games to shame I simply walked up to him. A monologue of epic proportions. My friend and I anticipating the second when we get to lay waste to this terror, finger on mouse in case it’s a timed shot or something.

All of a sudden there’s a bit of shooting and we are in a vehicle running for our lives as the nuclear holocaust ensues. But, to be honest, it’s just a bit of driving without any real danger. Where’s the main event? Where’s the Father, when do I get to stick a block of C4 on his arse? Soon, surely?

The vehicle gets hit by a falling tree in a cut scene (are you kidding me?), the Father carries me to his bunker, I’m handcuffed to a chair. HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS. I must have to bear knuckle fight the arsehole and beat him to death. Fine by me bring it on!  Let’s go, come on you fucker!

AND THEN IT ENDED!

To quote the youth of today “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?”.

The single most unsatisfying, annoying bullshit cop-out ending to a game I have ever played. My mate and I were speechless. So speechless in fact that we did it again and took a second option instead of setting off a nuclear war. But no.

Three bullshit endings to piss you off and leave you feeling like you are having a shit and it won’t plop out. Rule number 1 of videos games, the last boss is the biggest and hardest boss (unless you are Konami and it’s the Gradius series, but that goes without saying)

Fucking bollocks, stick your “existential” “thought provoking” “dark” endings up your arse.

I will never buy a Far Cry game again.